


you come to me (when i'm drowning)

by ichinoseharu (rinsousukes)



Category: Free!
Genre: Gen, M/M, Watch canon!Sousuke be completely different from this Sousuke, i did the thing, what can i say
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-01
Updated: 2014-06-01
Packaged: 2018-02-03 01:05:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1725527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rinsousukes/pseuds/ichinoseharu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rin looked up just in time to see Sousuke’s usually stern mouth curve into a tiny smile.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you come to me (when i'm drowning)

That peculiar mix of frustration and helplessness dug a groove in his chest and settled heavily there. It brought him back to that day, that moment three years ago at the abandoned swim club: Haru’s hand on his wrist, the shadows in his desperate eyes, and the sort of irrational betrayal and anger and _loss_ that had swept through Rin.

He had run then, run away from it all, with youth and recent tragedy covering his tracks. But he couldn’t do that now, he had run out of excuses and the cool tiles of the pool wall offered him neither answers, nor reprieve as he leaned his forehead on them.

He shivered and then shook his head rapidly to get some of the pool water out of his hair and to casually hide the wetness of his eyes behind the curtain of his hair. A few droplets fell right into his eye. His eyes started smarting and watering and it was the chlorine, it _had_ to be the chlorine.

He was sixteen now, sixteen and no longer clinging to the ghost of his father’s dream, sixteen and barreling towards his goal of participating in the Olympics. Sixteen and still unsure about where he fit in with his old (new) friends. Sixteen and hopelessly stuck at the time that he had clocked in the week before, the week before that, and then the week before that.

He knew he was being overly emotional and irrational, but he couldn’t help it. Couldn’t help feeling like he was back to square one. Never mind that these were just practice laps. If he wasn’t able to cut even a second on his time despite months of training, he wasn’t cut out to go the Olympics, to swim beside the very heroes whose faces he’d plastered on the walls of his tiny dorm room in Sydney.

His fingers had started pruning from the pool water, but his face was warm and wet with silent tears and he couldn’t let everyone see how pathetic he really was, how badly he needed a miracle. Or someone to tell him it was going to be alright. He felt a sharp pang in his chest at the thought of his mother’s warm hands carding through his hair, her lilting voice chasing away the solitude and worry, if just for a few moments.

His tears came quicker now and his breath was starting to hitch. He could feel a sob trying to tear its way out and he stubbornly swallowed it, but that hot lump in his throat only grew bigger.  He couldn't understand why.

Everyone on the team had managed to improve their times even if just by a few milli seconds. He had tossed a gruff “Congrats, freshman” to Nitori just this morning to acknowledge his new personal 100m breaststroke record. Hell, even Haru, with his funky ideas about being one with the water, Haru who claimed not to care about timings and competitions, had beat Rin three times consecutively in the same number of weeks.

Haru’s bass voice carried across faintly from the locker rooms, followed by Makoto’s dulcet tones, probably trying to dissuade Haru from running and diving back into the Samezuka pool. That idiot, he thought to himself, he hadn’t changed a bit in the four years that Rin had been away.  From the corner of his eye, he could see Nagisa manhandling a floating and protesting Rei’s arms into forming a wide arc. Trying to teach him the breast stroke, and very forcefully too, by the looks of it. Through his tears, Rin let out a wet snort. 

He loved Makoto and Nagisa, and Rei was slowly starting to make a space for himself in Rin’s heart with his peculiar antics and forgiving eyes. And despite the jealousy and irritation he sometimes felt towards Haru, he was undeniably one of the most important people in his life: he was inexplicably drawn to his apathy and the single-minded focus and intensity that it masked.

But sometimes, he felt like he had drifted too far out from their circle in the years that he’d spent in Sydney, felt like Rei had filled the space that he’d left in their group perfectly, like he wasn’t truly a part of them anymore no matter how much they tried to make it seem that way.

He felt awkward at times, like he was on the outside, like he had a ticket to the show that the four of them were putting on. But when it was over, they went one way and he, the other.

By now, the flow of tears had nearly stopped, and only a few stray drops made their way slowly down his cheeks. He probably looked a mess, all swollen eyes and bitten through lips. And the worst part was, they’d all know that he’d been crying, because that’s just who Rin was. Someone who was as prone to crying fits as an elementary schooler.

He decided to stop feeling sorry for himself, just for now, so that he could shower, get changed and get away from Samezuka for a while. Maybe run to the seaside and sit by the calm waters until he felt like he could convince himself that it was all alright. The stars would be beautiful and the sound of the waves crashing on to the shore would give him an illusion of peace.

As he swiped the back of his hand over his eyes and blinked a few times to clear his blurry vision, a pair of feet, tanned and sturdy-looking, stepped in front of him, on the tiles right at the edge of the pool. A hand was stretched out to him and as if in a trance, he took it and let himself be pulled up. He began to mechanically trudge to the locker rooms when he felt his wrist being captured in a warm, gentle hold.

Rin snapped out of his trance and turned to look at the person who dared interrupt his reverie, when he caught sight of familiar aquamarine eyes.

“You alright there?”

Sousuke’s hand rose up and his thumb gently swiped under one of Rin’s red-rimmed eyes. Rin tried to laugh, but it fell flat and translated to a wet snort. Why? Why right in the middle of the pool house, where everyone would be able to see how truly pathetic he was?

He turned his head away abruptly and Sousuke seemed to understand. He used his hold on Rin’s wrist to guide him quickly to the locker room. Makoto was pulling his sling bag out from his locker and as Sousuke strode in with a dejected Rin in tow, he moved forward as if to say something. But that was it. Sousuke must have signaled something to him and Haru, who had now fixed his intense, glimmering gaze on Rin. They moved out of the way, as Sousuke led him to the corner of the room, right into the small space between a row of lockers and the wall. It was just large enough for both of them to step into and be hidden from the view of the other occupants.

“Hey there.”

Rin looked up just in time to see Sousuke’s usually stern mouth curve into a tiny smile. Sousuke’s warm palms came to curve around the underside of his jaw and his thumbs rested lightly on his cheeks, swiping away the traces of wetness. His touch was so gentle that Rin felt the tears building up in his eyes all over again.

“Hey now. You’re gonna be alright.”

When Rin looked up at that, he continued.

“Captain was just telling me about how much your form has improved from when you first joined.”

Sousuke was normally so competitive and tense around Rin that he had nearly forgotten the other side of him. As much as he had been a rival who had constantly kept Rin on his toes in Sano SC, he’d also been the one friend with whom Rin could converse freely with and Rin never had to hold back on sharing with him the fears and doubts that’d riddled him after his Dad’s passing.

He clearly wasn’t trying to compete with Rin now. In fact, Rin had never seen the planes of his face form such a gentle expression before. Not when he’d been introducing himself to the first-years as a transfer student, and certainly not when he’d locked eyes with Haru from across the pool during joint practice.  

“Stop lying to me. I haven’t cut a single fucking second for a whole month, I’m laggin-“

His unsteady words were cut off by a new lump forming in his throat. His eyes started prickling again. He couldn’t even get his words out without breaking down. Well done, Matsuoka, well done, he thought to himself, this is the legacy you’ll leave behind.

Sousuke’s eyes just creased at the corners and he looked down at Rin so fondly that Rin felt red creeping into his cheeks despite himself.

“Where’s the Matsuoka Rin that I knew? He’d never feel sit around feeling sorry for himself. He’d just push it aside and keep trying.”

And when Rin moved to swat his hands away from his face irritably, he caught them with his own.

“Though you are very cute when you cry.”

“Sh-Shut up, you idiot!”

"You look better when you smile, though."

That made his lips twitch involuntarily and he leaned forward and bent his head, resting his forehead on Sousuke’s warm, wet shoulder to hide his pink cheeks. Sousuke still smelled like chlorine and sweat and Rin inhaled deeply. He let his breath out in a whoosh and slumped against him a little.

“I’m just.. lost. Frustrated.”

“Rin.”

“What?”

His voice was still nasal, still clogged with tears and he cleared his throat.

“You’re better than this. You’re gonna get past this and go to the Olympics, and I’m gonna be in the lane beside you. You’ll be standing on the silver medal podium, just wait and see. I'll make sure of it.”

That caught Rin’s attention.

“Silver medal?”

Sousuke lips curled up into that familiar smirk and Rin wanted to slap it away. Or kiss it away, he didn’t know which one just yet.

“Because I’ll be on the gold podium, Rin-Rin.”

Rin let out a bark of laughter and pushed himself away from Sousuke’s chest. The familiar spark of competitiveness once again sizzled between them and he felt more like himself now. This was after all just a little hiccup in his grand plan of getting that Olympic gold between his teeth. And he’d be damned if he let Sousuke, of all people, steal that gold away from him while he sat there sulking.

“Always the over-confident one, eh? I’ll show you, you bastard, just wait and see.”

Sousuke’s smirk only grew bigger at that, and he released Rin’s hands and moved a palm to Rin’s drying hair. He patted him on the head like one would a child and Rin was torn between the warmth that welled up in his chest and indignation at being treated like a kid.

“We’ll see about that. Now, let’s get going before your Iwatobi boyfriends come running.”

When Rin knocked Sousuke’s hand off his head and took a step out of the tiny space into the bright lights of the locker room, he was not even a little surprised to see Nagisa and Rei standing close by and leaning in to pick up on their low tones. Probably had followed Sousuke and himself out of the pool. He snorted wryly and ignored Nagisa’s cries of “Rin-chan, what’s wronggg?”, as he strode to his locker.

“Everything’s fine now, Nagisa, you little shit. Don’t think I didn’t notice you trying to eavesdrop!”

Rei, at least, had the decency to look a little embarrassed. Nagisa just winked at him and started poking Sousuke in possibly painful areas, while trying to get answers out of him.

And then Haru was in front of him. His blue, blue eyes still hadn’t lost that concerned shine. His gaze moved to Sousuke, who was still trying to pry a very persistent Nagisa off of him, and then slid back to Rin questioningly.

“Rin.”

Rin smiled. Haru could be endearingly emotionally stunted at times, but he was sharper than he let on. He clapped a hand on Haru’s shoulder and relished in the comfort that came with the contact.

“It’s alright, Haru.”

As if on cue, Sousuke came to stand at his shoulder and Rin instinctively moved closer to his warmth. He was starting to shiver. Should have dried off before I had that breakdown, he thought to himself a little wryly.

Sousuke had locked eyes with Haru. Rin had never really taken time to notice before this, but in the yellowish light of the locker room, Haru and Sousuke’s eyes, which had seemed remarkably alike at first glance, looked starkly different. Haru’s were a deep, absolute sort of ocean blue, and Sousuke’s were the aquamarine of the sea on a bright, sunny day. Beautiful, he thought, and didn’t know himself, to whose eyes he was referring.

“Haruka-san”

“Sousuke.”

Their gazes held for a few more seconds and they seemed to have reached a mutual understanding in that time, because they nodded at each other before both turned away to head to the showers.

Rin, who was so used to their little eccentricities, just ignored the little exchange and bent to scoop his uniform, towel and toiletries from his locker. They’d probably just give him cryptic answers even if he asked.

Makoto had stepped up to him meanwhile, and he threw a friendly arm around Rin’s shoulders, guiding him to the showers. Rei and Nagisa followed and the sounds of their familiar chattering felt comforting, though he’d never admit it to anyone.  He was Rin Matsuoka and he was going to be the best. With a little help from his friends, of course.

 

**Author's Note:**

> My Sousuke is probably wildly out-of-character, so forgive me. I'm going to regret this when July comes.


End file.
